There is no such thing as the perfect parent, so tuning out all of that background noise that can often make you feel inadequate or cause you to question all of your choices is sometimes necessary to find your way.
We all know that when having children silence is golden. Unless it’s very silent that means that they are doing something wrong. Haha but, from the most part silence is so rare that you learn to soak it up like your first bubble bath alone with no one in the house. But what about the “noise” in your head, how do you silence that?
With Google, and tons of parenting advice available these days, it can be hard to find your own way. I’ve never really been one for competing and losing but, we all know that it is impossible to be the perfect parent. Parenting books, baby prep classes, advice from friends and family can all be helpful, but let’s face it, nothing and no one prepares you for the beautiful mess that is becoming a new parent.
The “noise” in your head as a new parent is by far the loudest, and my daughters have a serious set of lungs. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s louder, the sound of a few minutes of crying, or the incessant noise in my head telling me that I’m doing something wrong because my daughter is crying and my oldest is having a complete melt down. After talking to a friend, I began to think about this idea of “drowning out the noise” by tuning out all of the outside influences that seem to dictate what parenting or motherhood should be, and I find that the easiest way to do this is to give yourself a chance to grow with and get to know your babies one-on-one.
Taking the time to grow with your little one can mean something so simple as taking a break from too many visits, parenting classes or programming, and reading parenting books. Sometimes it’s nice to just listen to your baby and get to know them without the stress of outside “noise” or influence. This doesn’t mean you have to raise your baby in social isolation; in fact I strongly believe you need a good support system to raise a child, but taking the one-on-one time once in a while to figure things out on your own is so important. This is especially true during big stages like sleep or potty training. One-on-one time gives you a chance to figure things out on your own without too much outside “noise”. Get on your childs level, see them eye to eye. Let this on-on-one time bring you back to noticing the small things we take for granted each day. See what they see through their eyes, EVERYTHING in this big world is new to them. What color are those tree leaves?. What is that huge contraption flying in the sky?. What are those beautiful things growing in the garden and what color are they?. Its like the saying goes “Stop and smell the roses” but literally STOP and smell them. I always make sure I put my phone away and really enjoy our times together. Its very calming and you will see how engaged they start to feel and become with you.
There will always be an overabundance of outside influence that tends to pull you in every direction making it impossible to make any decisions at all. You begin to question every little choice you’re making, as the search for perfection is an impossible feat, leading you to believe that no choice is the right choice so you inevitably become frozen, unable to act or move forward. I have been there, try to NEVER let it happen to you. You are doing an amazing job mama. We all are…
So, as part of this letting go process I am learning to “drown out the noise” and let go of perfection. Advice is good, but sometimes silence truly is golden and on this journey through motherhood we all need a little quiet sometimes. Hope this finds you mamas well…xoxo
What did you need to let go of to find your way as a new mom?